Therapeutic

So my therapist told me many things last night, the most important of which was that I should keep a journal. Well, here it is.

Yesterday was a wash at work, not much to do, really. We've been slow for about 3 weeks straight, so much so that my art director has taken to carpentry-all of a sudden everything has a raised platform or a rolling shelf.

I'm sure that all of you reading this have had moments where you sit at your desk and wonder- how did I get here? What was I thinking when I was a senior in high school? I remember what I was thinking- I want to do art for a living, but I don't want to languish away in a 4 year art school only to become freshly minted boil on the back of society, creating avante garde heaps of garbage featuring religious figures and food.

So what are my choices? Ah, graphic design. These days, graphic designers without the extra wonder twin ability to make web pages IN CYBERSPACE are becoming less and less useful to companies who can get their secretaries to create something in Word. Not only that, but designers are a dime a dozen, they pop out of technical schools faster than companies can hire them, and so you have a glut of money-hungry 20 somethings who will take less and less just to have some kind of job so they can pay the college loan hounds breathing down their necks. Not exactly a good combination for job security.

I should have been a writer, should have majored in English and written pithy and lofty papers on the connection between and relevance of religious figures and food. Then again, I think I could enjoy a staff writing position for the Gloucester County Times just as much. I try to stretch my creative writing muscles by writing poetry, but the mood really has to strike me. I would love nothing more than to write about video games, and I have made strides in this general direction, but I can't help feeling that I need to do something BIG if that is what I really want with my life.

You know what I want with my life? I want a job I can do from home to spend more time with my friends and family. If there are steps I need to take before I have kids and I can't work long hours every day any more, I am ready to take those steps. I want to make a magazine, that's what I want. I know printed media is going down the tubes, that's ok, I'll come up with something. I want a magazine about video games that doesn't look like a Highlights. I want it to be grown up and funny. I want it to be what I would read if I was looking through the magazine section at Barnes and Noble.

I can do it. I just have to figure out how.